all things truly wicked

2010-03-09T17:00:00.001Z

i've decided blogspot & i are separating, after a good year and a bit.
i'm doing the bad thing and switching to tumblr, if you still want to follow me you can find me here
http://theyearpunkbrokemyheart.tumblr.com/

2009-12-28T17:38:00.001Z

i have lost my camera lead...
if i don't find it soon then fuck knows when i'll next update with photos of myself. apologies, blogosphere.

the way your make-up stains my pillow case; like i'll never be the same

2009-12-15T22:42:00.005Z

this was a good week or two ago, been lazy again! sorry guys.. basically this is the nice i re-met lewis, which turned out to be a really good move.

I L L I N O I S

2009-12-15T22:33:00.003Z

queen of the mojito! (font friday)

then on to scrapbook's christmas party extravangza! sally & emily run it, they are awesomee

2009-12-15T22:31:00.001Z

"a girl with complexities and aspirations you can hardly imagine. one who takes risks and smiles at the consequences. one who is at once in charge of her independence and sexuality as she is vulnerable. shy yet aggressive. subtle but bold. one who seeks the thrill of tottering at the edge between this and that. a girl who stays up all night waiting for a phone call and dismisses it when it does come, a hopeless romantic with a filthy mind. one with a sardonic wit and a tender sweetness. one who goes after what she wants and dismisses anything in her way. a feminist with a heart that can be melted with a single glance, a prototype with impossible to classify tendencies."

2009-12-14T23:26:00.001Z

2009-12-14T21:56:00.001Z

and of all of god's jokes
i am the most cruel
i'll make you forget your friends,
your faith
and your rules

2009-11-30T22:01:00.000Z

do you feel better? older?

2009-11-30T21:52:00.004Z

"i want to sleep in the city that never wakes up & revel in nostalgia"

2009-11-25T22:06:00.004Z

hectic weekend

2009-11-24T23:14:00.002Z

we're like a super attractive dream-team

2009-11-16T17:28:00.001Z

when it's all over just remember; every single word you ever said was always just a bullet in his head

2009-11-15T17:20:00.001Z

2009-11-08T21:45:00.001Z

"Its weird being a misanthropic humanist. Leads to so many awkward moments and thoughts."

you are wasting your life

2009-11-08T12:21:00.002Z

2009-11-02T23:56:00.001Z

there were no female pirates, your friends are dressed like whores!

2009-11-01T15:52:00.002Z

restless nights in one-night cheap hotels and sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells

2009-11-01T15:44:00.004Z

2009-10-28T21:31:00.006Z

yesterday i went to london, stayed at the hilton hotel- swaaaanky!

look! look! one of those infamous CHRISTOPHER KANE AT TOPSHOP dresses!!
aaaaaah!

today i went to oxford. AND IT WAS AMAZING! if i can get in to do classical civilisation at oxford, i would be the happiest woman in all of england. oxford is beautiful.

Andrew Beverley treated me to some gorgeous new dresses in London, (that i'm so chuffed about i've had to showcase on my blog) and a new jacket that i didn't photograph, but i'm sure, knowing me, it will be photographed at some point.

ROMANCE IS BORING

2009-10-28T21:11:00.007Z

i went to see Los Campesinos! with my good, and aforementioned, friend matt on monday night, they were absolutely amazing. i would recommend that anyone should try and catch one of their shows. both of the support acts were really top notch, Sparky Deathcap and Copy Haho. Copy Haho were just my thing, almost Johnny Foreigner-esque, kind of melodic indie hardcore. Sparky Deathcap is also part of the live Los Campesinos! set up, whether that's due to convenience or a permanent fixture I neither know or care, either way they were BLOODY AMAZING.

i also met gareth (the lead singer) of Los Campesinos! he's actually a genuine sweetheart, although post-gig sweaty-face photos are always grim.

2009-10-21T20:52:00.000+01:00

I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light.

the summer always brought it, that wild and reckless breeze.

2009-10-20T22:58:00.004+01:00

i'm the one that's drowning now

2009-10-13T21:20:00.003+01:00

to my favorite liar, to my favorite scar: "i could have died with you"

2009-10-12T22:09:00.007+01:00

For the past four years, there have been a couple of bands and artists that I have never ceased to listen to enjoy, that I could always (and often) put on and adore. One of those bands was Fall Out Boy.
And I don't care that they're uncool and too mainstream, I love them.
Fall Out Boy soundtracked my teenage angst, but also ever romance, and even my first kiss. I shit you not, straight after my first kiss I actually went home and listened to Take This To Your Grave and felt GREAT.

Mostly though, and quite importantly, they also played an active part in every imagining I had, when I needed a better reality to escape to in my head. As cheesy as it is, when I was fourteen, I used to pretend me and Pete Wentz were married and we were in this cool clique with Patrick Stump. And yes I know it's cringey. But I think I did this because the lyrics just got me, honestly, lyrically they're up their with the greats. And when I listened, and listen, to Fall Out Boy I didn't feel so alone, and I feel like some bassist, born and raised on the other side of the world, just totally gets how I am feeling a lot.

Basically, finding out that Believer's Never Die is the last Fall Out Boy album, at least for a long, long while, has cut me up real bad.

love u pweezy <3

2009-10-11T21:52:00.002+01:00

walk home, come down, retreat to sleep, wake up, go out again, repeat.

2009-10-09T22:00:00.002+01:00

2009-09-22T22:13:00.000+01:00

candy darling

2009-09-22T22:12:00.000+01:00

"Unfortunately before my death I had no desire left for life… I am just so bored by everything. You might say bored to death. You know I couldn’t last. I always knew it. I wish I could meet you all again."

2009-09-21T19:44:00.002+01:00

how i long to stumble into you half blind and wide eyed all the same
-time
and the pieces of me i loathe are the ones you admire most
you like me for me wit and cunning
and i am in love with a ghost
of the person i wish you were
and he still wishes i was her
or she was me or either or
and i am tearing up the carpet and clasping at the door
a man on the street told me of my redemption
and told me stories about a divine intervention
but the things that happened when he was a lad
i swear to his god they're just dreams he had
because when you can't explain a thing
and when all you want is everything
it's easy to tangle yourself up in knots
i'm waking up in basketball courts and parking lots
placing bets and drawing lots
on things that shouldn't be left to chance
and i'll give it all up for you if you'll give me this dance
because love baby is a game for two
making snuff movies and criticising who
ever dares to defy us in the roles we take as gods
and the stakes are best when they're high darling, against. all. odds.

you found me at the bar in fits of laughter, said you've been seen out digging the past with arthur; you'd rather just walk in the rain

2009-09-20T19:27:00.002+01:00

2009-09-15T20:05:00.000+01:00

maybe i just can't cope with the future

2009-09-14T19:39:00.002+01:00

below is a photo of my best friend, and this photo is a source of endless amusement for me, because it was taken on a night that was one of the best nights of my life, even though it was technically diabolically bad

there are not many good photos of us together, that sum us up pretty accurately, but i think this one is a fair effort:

either way, i am posting this blog because
a) i haven't seen her in over two weeks :|
b) i miss her like a crazy person
c) i love her lots

i'm done (:

2009-09-10T21:59:00.003+01:00

A good place to look to the future is when you are sat at the sea, with the salt up to your ankles and a view of the end of the pier, you may look down at your model's feet and wish that you'd just float away, and the weather here is overcast and the sea is the same shade of grey, so the landscape before you looks just like the edge of the world, but to the left side and the right side, either way is a crazy golf course.
The sea is a good place to think of the future.

let the rhythm suck out the poison

2009-09-08T19:53:00.001+01:00

I was scared to call your mother
For news that you weren't getting better
My God, just what the hell am I supposed to do?

And I ran off, and ran on to something
That I swore was everything but beautiful
I only say that word for you

Cause I can feel your pain
In my bones, in my bones
And I can feel your pain
Deep in my bones, deep in my bones

i will love you again

2009-09-06T19:00:00.001+01:00

"and as i gazed at you in front of the strobe lights everything got blurry, like the time billy crashed into the fountain on my front lawn, and i remember how when the stone smashed the water seemed to explode and dance like fireworks in that early autumn sky. i could picture the water then, as i saw you move, and the outline of your body through that second-hand chiffon dress reminded me of the way the light from his headlights would catch the droplets as they made their bid for escape, before crumbling like the empire before ours. the music was in my shoes and in my soul, and as you bathed in light like i once did in that summer time fountain, i hoped you never ever crumbled, and if you did i wouldn't let you crumble alone."

2009-09-01T21:03:00.004+01:00

did you see the stylish kids in the riot? shovelled up like muck, set the night on fire
wombles bleed, truncheons and shields
oh i cherish you my love

we can't fight our desires

2009-09-01T16:53:00.003+01:00

leeds fest 09 was cripplingly good, between us we went through around 400 cigarettes, and on sunday night we all collective lost our minds to the lure of rave.

here i am back home again, i am here to rest, all they ask is where i've been, knowing i've been west

2009-08-20T18:24:00.004+01:00

I am back from my holiday, and it was not that ace to be honest. Me and my family don't really get on. I wish we did.

If you love me, let me live in peace

Please understand
That the black sheep can wear the golden fleece
And hold a winning hand

lost/lonely

2009-07-31T00:40:00.003+01:00

It's nothing like looking through cardboard tube and seeing the sun. It's a headache that never really stops, it's like someone perpetually pushing your eyelids. It's like a cracked rib or a broken heart. It's an everlasting ache and throb.
Holidays don't make it better, you're just packing up your sadness and taking it to another time zone. It's the friend that annoys you but you can't seem to sake off, everyone else likes him so he sticks around.
Sometimes it feels like my eyes have been pulled out with ice cream scoopers, and that my stomach has been torn out of my mouth by a hand that plunged, then grasped and scratched.
Imagine chasing something you'll never catch, a taste that never really lingers. Something instant and sweet, it only stays for a moment, but a moment long enough to leave an imprint. A battle is sometimes won but the war rages on.
Every man, woman and child is an island. Mine doesn't get many visitors.

i love the feeling when we lift off

2009-07-26T21:55:00.003+01:00

going to florida tomorrow, so no blogging for three weeks! (maybe, the chances are i'll get desperate and hunt down an internet cafe just so i can tell you about my day).
i'm looking forward to it loads, but also a tiny bit miffed i'm going to miss a summer with my best friends, ah well, such is life, and they'll still be here when i get back; well, most of them. ANYWAY, ttfn, blog again in three weeks :) x

lover you should have come over

2009-07-26T17:20:00.008+01:00

there's no place like manchester..
there's no place like manchester..
there's no place like manchester..

poor little rich boy

2009-07-25T17:56:00.010+01:00

met rona last night, she's rather lovely. i knew everyone else from parties/ pub times of old. haven't been to the buck on a friday in ages..

FAT WHITEYYYYYY:

all's quiet and dead on basin street tonight, and it's lonely.

2009-07-24T01:50:00.007+01:00

me and matt are like the only two people on a sinking ship, we can't stop it going down, but we can have a chat and accompany each other as we slowly sink deeper and deeper into a dark and brutal abyss, and somehow that makes it seem a little better.

i don't know who did the paintings (although i certainly know they are beautiful) but i know matt did the majority of the photography, i took the one of the trees and the painting on the wall.

they write books about this sort of thing

2009-07-23T21:27:00.010+01:00

because of atmosphere.

2009-07-22T01:02:00.008+01:00

see the resemblance? no me neither, to be honest! but matt thought the photo was in the spirit of control and so he did that! that boy sure is a dab hand at the photoshop. plus he did the text in helvetica, a font that, as we both agree, can only be described as being "perfect".

me and matt have become very good friends (again) recently. this i can only see as being a good thing. people like us need someone on the same level to lean on every now and then.

p.s. definite big love for ian curtis, joy division, control and anton corbijon

just had a brain wave

2009-07-22T00:20:00.002+01:00

i think that one of the problems with my generation (and the reason we're definitely more into hitting the bottle, snorting, popping and injecting than our parents were) is because we're in the middle of a society that is full of paradoxes and is hugely shifting.
what i'm saying is, the reason we're all so lost is because as our society is becoming very secular, the majority of us say we are none believers but we still have all these doubts and all these fears about what it would mean if we were wrong. and we are still tied to our parents and our grandparents beliefs about god and heaven and hell. and although we don't believe a part of us still fears the afterlife.
and it's unfair.
and i hope in the future they will recognise that the early 2000s were a very tricky time to grow up, and if we screw up anything later on, they'll understand a little better.

we are beautiful/we are doomed

2009-07-21T22:54:00.002+01:00

sun sets on a perfectly imperfect manchester day. true friends are anchors, they keep you stable and they keep you sane, and they never hold you down for longer than you require them to.

another journey to the woods, the holes where spirits hide.

2009-07-20T21:50:00.006+01:00

if i could only turn back the clock to when god and her were born,
come in she said i'll give you shelter from the storm

the sun is shining but we stay inside

2009-07-11T22:27:00.004+01:00

oh but we go out at night

things that i find easy:
sinning, lying, cheating

things i find tricky:
the aftermath of all the above

"you can tell jesus the bitch is back"

2009-07-08T20:58:00.004+01:00

No boat nor bridge, nor crucifix can hold it back
I have been wicked, I have been arrogant

And when it comes it will feel like a kiss

I miss the long nights of winter. I want pitch blackness from eight o'clock onwards, but I still want bright mornings and breezy days.
Some people are never happy.

melt like butter.

2009-07-07T22:26:00.003+01:00

"The point when my sister intervened was either around the fourth bottle or the second key. Neither me nor Jacques protested, just lay on the kitchen counter talking about the cool marble and how in another life this marble could have been a mortuary slab or an altar, or a sculpture or a bathtub. I think we both knew what was coming but neither of us said it; he moved in for the kill and I was just a little bit sick on his t shirt."

hold on to your teardrops

2009-07-01T21:31:00.002+01:00

you've got a long way to go